so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
