You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
