sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
