I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
