KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
