did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
