I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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