I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
