i need an iv and a liver transplant
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My vagina is officially offended.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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