My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
