You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
