I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
