I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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