You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
