All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
