you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
