420 ftw
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
