He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
