ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
