So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
