Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
