he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
