Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
