Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The power of my boobs compel you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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