So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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