It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
