It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
