I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
