All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*