I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.