you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
