if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize