Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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