if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
