Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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