absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
