New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
