One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Randomize
