honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
