Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
