xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
