??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
