theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
