You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
