he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize