Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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