The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
