Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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