When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
