He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
