Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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