Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
