halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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