k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
