Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
