I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
