A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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