i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
