Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
