I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
