if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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