I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i came on her dog
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
