I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
