Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
