I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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