you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
