I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
