batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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