tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How external is "for external use only"?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Randomize
