I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you had me at cake vodka
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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