I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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