How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
