i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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