i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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