he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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