i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
