I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
