Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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