she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
