I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
