they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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