doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
