My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
