At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
