Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
