Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
