Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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